This Dad’s ‘Rules For Dating My Daughters’ Finally Gets It Right

This Dad’s ‘Rules For Dating My Daughters’ Finally Gets It Right

Sep 06, So, I’ll admit, when I spot a trending article about a father writing his daughter an open letter, my automatic response is to cringe. Luckily, this is no such story. A report from Today revealed writer J. Warren Welch’s viral rules for dating his daughters, and they don’t follow the regular gag-inducing formula of creepy paternalism. After getting exhausted by the macho posturing of his peers and fellow dads, Welch wrote his own rules for dating his daughters in a post on Instagram. His rules are truly a blessed departure from the cultural norm of fathers hoarding their daughters like precious sexualized jewels. You will respect them, and if you don’t, I promise they won’t need my help putting you back in your place. Good luck pumpkin,” wrote Welch. I know that’s not the important takeaway, but can we reflect on how wonderful that is for a moment?!

Daddy’s Rules for Dating my Daughter

Actually, before you answer that you need to read over my ten simple rules to date her, sign your life away just technicalities , as well as give some samples of your DNA for future use, if necessary. Now that we got the small stuff out of the way, read the following rules below and if you agree and sign you may qualify to date my beautiful, wonderful, innocent and precious daughter. Rule 1 If you plan on taking my daughter on a date and come to my house and honk your horn or call her cell phone you’d better be the UPS man, because you are not picking anything up.

Rule 2 If you touch my daughter be prepared to have removal of the touching limbs from your body in any such way that I feel appropriate.

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It is entitled 10 rules for dating my daughter. I both laughed and resonated with this list. I then shared it with a few friends who have daughters and they loved it too. And I know my daughter would be better off as well! If you are interested in getting the shirt that these rules was turned into, please go to www. Many readers of this blog have very young daughters and you have not even thought of such things. However, many of you have older daughters and you are in the middle of this tumultuous time of life.

Finally, A Dad Posted “Rules For Dating My Daughters” That Aren’t Cringe-Worthy

Daddy’s Rules for Dating Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

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Daddy’s Rules for Dating My Daughter I got a comment on an old post yesterday from a fellow father of daughters. For some reason it reminded me of these rules so I went and dug them up. I didn’t write them and if I could credit the person who did I would but I have no idea who he is. I think they’ve been around since the days when jokes circulated through the office via Xerox rather than email. For fathers of daughters they are timeless.

If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

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Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend or for you if you’re a guy: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

#3 – When my wife was pregnant with our first, I gained 35 lbs. I also got my first case of hemorrhoids. Pretty sure, the former and the latter were both supposed to happen to my wife, the soon-to-be-mother and not me, the soon-to-be-dad.

June 20, By Mollie Hemingway Feminists are sending around a photo on the social media and the intertubes. But that gets me to the main reflection of this piece. If the father is out of the picture or not around to discuss rules, relationship outcomes are in fact less desirable. As the National Fatherhood Project puts it: Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both partners have less than a high school degree.

They also have data suggesting that the absence of a father is tied to greater risk of abuse, neglect, malnutrition, obesity, delinquency and incarceration, aggressive behavior and relationship instability. So just the presence of this father is a powerful, powerful message to the daughter and to those she might date. And his mere presence is a positive factor in all sorts of outcomes.

Maybe from observing people with pulses or maybe from stuff like this: Five college-aged women and four college-aged men took turns standing at one of five quadrangles on the Florida State campus on a weekday.

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If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

— Application for Permission to Date my Daughter — Daddy’s Rules for Dating Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy).

You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. You will no longer have hands. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

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Marine, gathered these rules together from around the Web, updated them a bit and sent them to me. I like these rules very much. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:

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If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn, you’d better be delivering a package, because you sure as hell are NOT picking anything up. Rule 2 Do NOT touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do NOT peer at anything below her neck. If you can NOT keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule 3 I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4 I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Daddy’s Rules for Dating My Daughter

Some of you may be too young to remember that show, but it is about a dimwitted secret agent. The opening theme of the show had him walking down a long corridor of doors that opened as he moved through. Finally, he reaches a telephone booth. After dialing the right number he drops into a secret passage.

— Application for Permission to Date my Daughter — Daddy’s Rules for Dating Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy).

Use your hands on my daughter and you’ll lose them after. You make her cry, I make you cry. Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health. Bring her home late, there’s no next date. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be dropping off a package because you’re sure not picking anything up Alternative rule 5: Only delivery men honk.

Dates ring the doorbell. No complaining while you’re waiting for her. If you’re bored, change my oil. If your pants hang off your hips, I’ll gladly secure them with my staple gun. Dates must be in crowded public places. The third season after Ritter’s death took a creative turn, revolving more around cousin C. David Spade and grandfather Jim James Garner , than the immediate Hennessy family, more specifically not revolving around the raising of the Hennessy girls.

Rules For Dating ANY of My Daughters By Poetri



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